It took me a long time before i finally fell asleep last night, mostly because of things i have encountered on Multiply before i went to bed. For one thing, Atchongapos;s words kept on replaying in my mind. The way he said he wanted to be financially, emotionally and whatever-ly stable before entering a relationship. I see nothing wrong with that, itapos;s just that i canapos;t help but poke him with a theoretical "what if by the time you become stable, and you look around for her, sheapos;s already in somebody elseapos;s arms?" It just made me realize (again, for the nth time) that I for myself do not believe in waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for something to mature, blossom, bear fruit... Sure it can happen, but what if it does not? Iapos;d gladly gobble up the present moment while strategically planning for the future. Besides, the present moment is the only thing i have.
But I will not be too arrogant to say that i seize every day of my life. No, iapos;m not built in to be in that mode for long periods of time. I just try not to be absent-minded for the most part of the day (hehe), and try not to think too much of the next 10 minutes of my life. Have you tried not thinking about the immediate future? Itapos;s really a bad habit that i am constantly fighting. It is this raging battle inside me that has been going on for years, much like that storm on the Great Red Spot of Jupiter. Sometimes i feel as if i donapos;t have enough time to do everything iapos;m expected to do in a single day, and i catch myself thinking of this at 9 in the morning. Clearly itapos;s not healthy to think that way, when your day is just starting. =)
So whenever I remember, i say that mantra to myself: "seize the day". Thereapos;s no better day to do it than today, today is the only treasure that i have... And so on and so forth. Usually i go and text all my friends after this, telling them i want to see them if they want to see me (bleech) or some other corny stuff they know iapos;m prone to say.
Which brings to light the other post which got me thinking last night: Rayneapos;s take on friendships. I donapos;t know why, but I suddenly remembered a scene where Debbey and I were sitting at Kamia steps and we were talking about other people in our circle. I remember telling her that sometimes i want to tell other people not to love me too much, because i might not love them back. I did not say this with disdain, rather, I said it because I was feeling guilty that other people are showering me 100 of themselves whereas, i was only giving a mediocre kind of me. Years later, when we were having our issues (Debbey and I), she used this line aainst me. Awww. The persistence of memory.
But allapos;s well that ends well. I havenapos;t mastered the art of living by faith and not by sight, but i think iapos;m getting there. The friendships i have fought to preserve are still here and are now subject to the test of time. Iapos;m keeping my fingers crossed everyday. =) By the way, i know that Debbey still remembers that line and she may use it against me in the future. Hahaha. Peace tayo debbey =)
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